At this stage, with a little background provided in previous posts. It’s about time I started to bring you up to speed with my story. So lets start at the end of my BTEC study and discuss the swings and roundabouts method that I appear to have employed, in order to get where I am today. It’ll probably be nothing like what you’re expecting.

The final stages of the BTEC

Coming to the end of my BTEC in Applied Medical sciences, I was well aware that my passion lay within the realms of medicine and science. My first hurdle was to overcome the best possible way to combine these and as a result, find the profession I wanted to devote myself to. So what did I want exactly?

To begin with, I needed to go somewhere that I could develop my scientific knowledge. This was my number one priority. The purely scientific knowledge was what was getting me through life at this stage by all accounts. I credit the revival of my academic career to two aspects. Number one, the wonderful teaching staff who took me through two years of scientific enquiry in my BTEC. And number two, the layout and structure of the BTEC programme. Studying modules the way a BTEC is laid out, allowed me to focus solely on what I wanted to. BTEC students receive a lot of criticism for not having gone down the traditional A Level route. I’ve not yet seen any evidence to substantiate these claims and in fact have found myself and other BTEC students being better prepared for university level education and taking less time to adjust, than those who took the A Level tract.

Next, I wanted to apply my scientific knowledge to the study of human disease. So I had by this stage narrowed down my search to a variety of healthcare professions. Optometry, nursing, medicine, physiotherapy, biomedical sciences and cardiovascular physiologist all made the list of potential candidates. My task was set. I had to narrow it down to a couple of options, spend some time researching these and then apply to whichever I decided to settle on. For those of you who’ve had to write a UCAS personal statement or any application to a degree programme. You’ll be well aware that tailoring a programme to two subjects is borderline impossible. With competition for places extremely high, admissions tutors can smell uncertainty. If they suspect you’re trying to apply to two courses. They’ll reject you.

Finally, after much deliberation, I had funnelled my way down to two courses. Nursing and cardiovascular physiology. Wait what? Where’s biomedical sciences? Yes, honestly at this stage I’d ruled out biomedical sciences. I was strongly in the market for cardiovascular physiology until the few universities I’d been interested in, upped their maths GCSE requirement to a B. Bubble burst. This was the first instance of dejection I had felt after realising I did want to stay in the academic world.

So nursing it was then. I channelled my every effort into securing a place on a nursing course. I told myself that not only was I going to prove to myself that those GCSE results were not a true reflection of my ability, but I was going to prove it to everyone else as well. I spent hours in the evenings watching health news updates, I read the health sections on the newspapers. I spent time in numerous forums, I visited local hospitals to get advice and I revised my back side off to get ready. Not only did I secure a space on a nursing course. I secured a place on an undergraduate masters degree course. Over 1500 people applied to nursing that year. Around 600 interviews were conducted, and only 28 spots were handed out as undergraduate masters students. I was one of those 28 and I had never been so excited and proud.

I fell immediately in love with the university, the city and my course. Only seven weeks into my first year of nursing and I was sent out onto the wards. Two months earlier I had been a BTEC student and now, here I stood. On a medical renal and diabetes ward. At the door to an eight bed bay with real live patients and a woman who was to be my placement mentor. To say I was nervous would qualify for understatement of the century. In fact it was apparently showing. After i was introduced to my mentor she asked me to take a set of observations (obs) on one of the patients. This included taking the temperatutre, pulse, respiration rate and blood pressure of the patient. She was aware that all nursing students undertake an obs assessment before going on placement. It’s a key skill and it’s used daily. I agreed of course, keen to get stuck in and alleviate my fear by drowning myself in so much mental stimulation that I was unable to comprehend the feeling of fear.

As I approached this patient I asked him “Do you mind if I take a set of observations from you?” he said to me “This is your first day isn’t it?” I thought nothing of it. Perhaps this was a long term inpatient or a regular on this ward who had never seen me before. I simply replied with “It is indeed, is it that easy to tell?” and his reply? “Easy to tell?” he said. “You look like you’re absolutely sh****ing yourself!” So on the whole, not the best start to my first ever day of caring for the sick individuals of the community. Other notable thoughts from that day include…

“Is it even legal to have worked this long without a break?”

“Will that individual ever stop pressing the call button?”

and

“Oh my goodness, my shift ends in 15 minutes and I actually haven’t pee’d all day!”

So what went wrong? 

As time went on and I spent more time carrying out the nursing tasks I needed to do daily. I found myself resorting to my beloved sciences. I would spend as much time as i could in the library, at home and on placement trying to study these conditions and diagnoses and lab results that my patients had. But I could never find enough time. I would be led down a rabbit hole and be on my laptop for hours in the night, losing track of time until realising it was 0200hrs and I had to be up in three hours for a 12.5 hour shift. My time was being cut short by the nursing tasks I needed to carry out.

I pushed these intrusive thoughts out of my head. I didn’t say a word to anyone and I allowed myself to continue with the nursing. I wanted to allow myself time, to see if the science I was going to learn got any deeper.  As I got a new placement my faith in nursing was restored. I would be able to look up new conditions, but it wouldn’t be long until I had to close my computer to carry out another task. As time progressed I began to realise that whilst the nursing was exposing me to the things I wanted to see and study. It was also the very job role witholding me from them. I came to the stark realisation that nursing was in fact, not the course for me. I had refused to let myself say it. “It’s just a phase”, “Everyone gets the first year jitters”. But when I accepted it I knew it to be true. Once I was able to realise what was going on, I could take action.

I left my nursing course having completed one full year of nursing, which I will never forget. I gained knowledge that is invaluable to me even now. I got to see numerous patient’s living with a variety of conditions and experience things I would never have gotten a chance to otherwise. I cared for people who were not in the slightest grateful. They threw punches, spat and swore all day long and did all they could to make my day and the days of the nurses around me, absolute hell. I also cared for the most heartwarming and respectful individuals that I have ever come across. People who constantly apologised to me for asking for something small. People who would sit silently for hours despite being in pain because they were afraid to disturb me. I had the privilege of being present as life was brought into the world, and I was in the difficult position of being present as people drew their last breaths and exited this world.

As a result of this, I know that I’m a better scientist. Having that ward level experience of what the patient is going through and understanding what the nurses have to deal with. My nursing experience provided me with invaluable skills that I bring into the workplace daily. So although the nursing was not for me, I do not for one second regret spending that year doing it. If I had the chance i’d do it all over again. The city was amazing, the people I met were outstanding and those I had the pleasure of living with were amazing. I do truly miss it dearly and I’d go back in a heartbeat but time progresses.

What Next?

After finishing out my year’s nursing, I returned home. Due to finishing the year, I missed the cut off for the UCAS applications cycle that year so I was forced to take a year out working in retail. Let’s just say, I hope I never have to work in retail again. They say the customer is always right, but they’re usually wrong. If you’d like two life tips for any shops you may visit in coming days, I offer you these gems. Arrogance and snobbery will not get you nowhere and secondly, please check your breath if you desire to engage in wide mouthed shouting in the face of the staff. Better yet don’t bother making an idiot of yourself and engaging in such activities. Anyway, I digress. I spent that year working while I reapplied to university. There was of course no competition or doubt in my mind as to what I was going to do. Biomedical Sciences.